For what it's worth....

(Tracy Morgan [SNL] was supposed to be on the morning show, so BJ asked me to write this script. Tracy never showed up)


Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet

Brian Fellow: Good evening and welcome to Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet. I’m Brian Fellow!! Tonight we are going to meet some really ugly animals. Our first guest is lumpy and likes to eat nasty things.

Brian Fellow: And who are you?

John Griffin: Hi, I’m John Griffin from the Denver Zoo

Brian Fellow: Hi John Denver, I’m Brian Fellow.

John Griffin: No, I’m John from the Denver Zoo.

Brian Fellow: You’re not going to sing Rocky Mountain High are you? Because that song’s crazy!

John Griffin: I’m not John Denver….

Brian Fellow: That’s one big wart on your hand, John Denver.

John Griffin: (sighs) What I have here is a North American Bullfrog. They can grow as big as….

Brian Fellow: Can you milk that thing?

John Griffin: What? No, it’s a frog.

Brian Fellow: And why do they call it a bull? Everyone knows you can’t milk a bull. That’s crazy!

John Griffin: It’s not a bull – it’s a bullfrog, and they can lay up to 20,000 eggs at one time.

Brian Fellow: You can milk him and he lays eggs? That’s one crazy mixed up bull! I bet if you milked him, it’d be all green and stuff.

John Griffin: You can’t milk a frog.

Brian Fellow: I know that. That’s crazy! But you can milk a goat. What’s up with goat cheese anyway? That’s some nasty stuff.

John Griffin: I wouldn’t know. I’m a Herpetologist, I work with amphibians.

Brian Fellow: Then what are you doing milking goats for, John Denver?

John Griffin: I’m not John Denver and I don’t milk goats! This is a bullfrog!

Brian Fellow: Well he aint got no horns, what kind of bull is he? I bet you play the horn don’t you, John Denver?

John Griffin: No, I don’t play the horn and I’m not….

Brian Fellow: My uncle played the horn, but he got arrested. Do you know any good lawyers?

John Griffin: I don’t see what any of this has to do with bullfrogs.

Brian Fellow: Typical lawyer, get him out of here!

Brian Fellow: Sorry about that folks. That John Denver, he’s crazy!

Brian Fellow: I’m Brian Fellow! And that’s all for today. Join us next week when our guest will be a Horny Toad...that sounds crazy! I’m Brian Fellow!