i'm just here

which is better than nowhere

where i really wish to be


I wonder

Once, when I was a little girl, a man my father called a friend gave me a silverware chest filled with his Grandmother's silver. My father told me to never trust this man and to never give it back.

I thought one day I would give it to the man's son.

I can't remember if I ever did.



it can't be as bad as yesterday

Today I decided to quit thinking of everything as death. At least to quit saying it out loud. Sara bought a Pro Flickr account for me and I've spent a fair amount of time filling it up. I should feel guilty, but I don't.

I'm going to spend hours in the darkroom this summer. I've been looking at my D80 thinking I should take it off the shelf again. I found out Thursday I can use my mother's Kodak Six-20 'Brownie' D with modified film. I'm going to modify some film and see about that.



this time

A wind is blowing through the back door and it’s colder than I thought it would be. The engine jumped its hold and the elderly man is running up a hill in Minnesota.

When the rocket takes off, will anyone hear it land. And if it doesn’t, someone has to hear the air ripping. It’s like wiping up blood with one arm slinged.

I can’t find her. I don’t think I’m even looking anymore. There’s a priest, but I’m not sure if I believe in hell. It’s all a matter of perspective if you look at it that way. And only if you care about forgiveness.

There’s beeping and it won’t stop. The ringing is in my right ear only. It makes me sick.

Who are you?
Is there something you want?



this is my unraveling

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